The Marauders of Middle Earth?¿?
by evil hot pink fairy
Summary: I can't guarantee this story will go anywhere but...I decided to you know go somewhere, kill of Snape, keep Malfoy for a sex slave as I don’t want to kill him off and eventually get back to where it all started at the 3 Broom Sticks...
1. The Miniature Cutsie Wutsie Book

Disclaimer: I haven't, don't and most likely never will own anything and that is most likely all the better for you.  
  
The Marauders of Middle Earth?¿?  
  
Chapter 1: The Miniature Cutsie Wutsie Book  
  
The story begins with the Marauders in the 3 Broom Sticks at their regular table, bored. With Snape and Malfoy nearby to.....Well get up to no good.  
  
James: *yawn* So much time and no one to prank. Man we need some new hobbies.  
  
Sirius: Oh yeah lets collect stamps. Fun *rolls eyes*  
  
Peter: Ohhhhhhhh good idea. Lets get some muggle ones too.........Mmmmmmmmm. I'm hungry.  
  
Everyone (except Peter): AGAIN!  
  
Remus: This is so unhealthy. I was reading this book the other day...  
  
Sirus: You're always reading a book. You have one right there.  
  
Remus: SHUTUP! Anyway this book was about diets and stuff and Peter you eat too much. It's so unhealthy. In fact we could all not....  
  
Peter I dun care. I'm hungry I eat.  
  
Peter gets up to go but some food.  
  
Peter: OWWWWWWWWWW! Is that something in my shoe?  
  
James: How should I know?  
  
Remus: Well if you read a bit more...  
  
Sirius: If we read anymore we would be squares like you.  
  
Peter: Back to my shoe. I think there is something in there. Maybe its food. Ohhhhh I'm gonna get it out.  
  
Peter takes off his shoe and pulls out a miniature-sized book.  
  
Peter: REMUS! I no you want me to read more but like this. Its despicable..disgraceful.mean.horrible  
  
James: SHUT IT! It's my book OK! I was actually wondering where it went I want to show you all something.  
  
Sirus: U BOOK! *horrified look on face* James my friend have you been taking your pills?  
  
Meanwhile Malfoy and Snape are listening in.  
  
Malfoy: I'm gonna get that Black one day doesn't he know stamp collecting is kool.  
  
Snape: OMG! Malfoy you still collect stamps. That is soooo last summer.  
  
Malfoy: SHUT IT! Ohhhhhh look Fat Boy is hungry again. Man he needs liposuction. Maybe we should chase him with a vacuum cleaner to suck away the fat.  
  
Snape: Yeah great idea next Tuesday meet at my house 9:00  
  
Malfoy: You're on. These sissies are boring. Why are we here any way? You said something good was gonna happen.  
  
Snape: Well I overheard 4-eyes talking to himself bout some kool spell in a book that everyone especially us would want.  
  
Malfoy: Book??? Ahhhhh yeah listen to brainy act talking bout all those books. Its like he's never heard of girls before.  
  
Snape: That's not entirely what I was talking about but close enough. Hmmmmmm. Listen to them jabber on about nothing.  
  
Malfoy: Jabber on about nothing oh sweet! Do you like my new jacket Snape? Don't you think it makes me look more muscular, more hotter, more fabulous. Well I was already muscular, hot and fabulous but it adds a lil something. I think I should make it that no one else is aloud to wear it because it looks sooooooooooooooooo good on me anyone else would ruin the look. Did you see me........*Malfoy continues to jabber on about nothing for the rest of the time they are in the 3 broomsticks*  
  
Back on the Marauder table they continue to jabber on just not about  
nothing.  
  
James: My pills? My pills? Uh-no. Not Kool. Well actually I lost 'em a while ago so uh yeah.  
  
Sirius: OH! That explains the book.  
  
James: You don't even no what the book is about.  
  
Sirius: Do I wanna know?  
  
Remus: I care if you do or not. It's a book I'm interested and intreged.  
  
James: Well this isn't just any book.  
  
Siruis: You own it so obviously not.  
  
James: Actually I don't own it I kinda pick pocketed it from the Weasley who nicked it from Dumbledor. A score or what?...*silence* any way this lil book..ohhhhhh isn't it cute...is a spell book. Simple but advanced spells.  
  
Peter: I mat not know much but something cant be simple and advanced.  
  
Remus: Peter! My boy you've been reading haven't you?  
  
Peter: Uh-no  
  
James: Uh hello look at me! My book I do ALL the talking. Got it?...OK then anyway. The spells in this book are simplified advanced spells so anyone could do them.  
  
Sirius: Even Snape and Malfoy?  
  
James: ME! ALL TALKING OK! But yeah even those dummies. Anyway as I was flicking through I found a spell that travels you through time......This is where you say OH KOOL!  
  
Everyone but James: *flatly* Oh Kool!  
  
James: Only problem is the spell choses where you go. So what do you guys think?.....*silence*......*more silence*....*ok more silence how boring*....Ah yeah guys you can talk now.  
  
Sirius: How about we just try the spell and if it don't work we get back here somehow?  
  
Remus: Now that would be totally illogical. We could end up it some time where all the people are rats and then we would get turned into rats too!  
  
Peter: That would be so bad because?  
  
Remus: Oh sorry Peter I didn't realise but I was reading this book a few weeks ago and..  
  
Sirius: Who cares? NOT ME! Do you James?  
  
James: Noppers but I do think we should read THIS book. MY book. The book I so skilfully pick pocketed form Weasly who nicked it from Dumblebor.  
  
Sirius: Yuppers. Ok im gonna say the spell.  
  
Sirius picks the up book and is about to say the spell when it is snatched  
right out of his hands. HIS VERY OWN HANDS!  
  
James: SIRIUS BLACK! This is MY book and if you think you can say the spell not me well..you....ummm....should think some more.  
  
James opens the book and plonks it on the table and begins to chant.  
  
James (chanting): kcalb suiris htiw yag mi. eciohc ruoy fo ecalpemos ot em ekat won. Esaelp raw ni erehwemos, tnoipassid t'nod eid ot tnaw i. Obyag bmud a mi.  
  
And with an Abracadabra the were Kapoof Kapow gone. And uh dude Malfoy and  
Snape have gone too ARGHHHHHHHHH!  
  
And that is the end of the first very exiting chapter in Marauders of Middle Earth. Tune in next time to see where they all turned up.  
  
Please review thanks. 


	2. Who the Are You?

Disclaimer: I haven't, don't and most likely never will own anything and that is most likely all the better for you.

**The Marauders of Middle Earth?**

**Chapter 2: Who the are you?**

Last time we left the intrepid explorers they were…well we don't know. So now the Marauders are stuck with Malfoy and Snape in some place, somewhere apparently on earth.

(A/N: Since I know where they are I will tell you, just so not to confuse you. They are in dum dum dum Middle Earth. Yes, yes, I know easy, a no brainier but it was for the slower readers out there.)

Sirius: Dude that was cool can we do that again?

Peter: Yeah can we, can we? I felt weightless, like I could eat forever and not get fat….

James: ….ER! Anyhoo, no we can't do that again because in case you haven't realised we have a bit of a situation.

Sirius: Dude your scaring me. You're sounding like Remus… NERD!

Remus: And is that so bad?...On second thoughts I don't want to know. Besides in case you haven't noticed we have more than a bit of a situation.

Peter: Well then what do we have? Is it food? I'm hungry.

Remus: We have a ginormous, fantastically huge situation and NO it's not edible.

Peter: Edible….that means you can eat it right?

Remus: Yuppers

Peter: Well then noppers I can't see what's so wrong besides the lack of food and if that's what your talking about….

James: NO NO NO can't you see where in someplace we don't know and…….

Sirius: I thought that was the point

James: W…W…Well, yes, but THEY (pointing to Malfoy and Snape who are just casually standing their as though nothing had happened) weren't supposed to be here.

Sirius: Yeah I wondered what those retarded moles were doing here.

Snape: Well at least you acknowledged our presence instead of ignoring us like we were some lump of lard in this weird retarded land.

Malfoy: HELLO LOOK AT ME! I'm here too you know.

Sirius: I said moles didn't I…yes yes I did. Consider yourself acknowledged.

Malfoy: IM NOT A MOLE! I'm a handsome beast and you know it…I've read slash before I know you guys dig each other….and occasionally me for that matter….oh the sex appeal I have, you know you love it.

Lurtz (some evil orc dude) wanders over looking dumbfounded

Lurtz: Are you new orc trainees?

Peter: Orcs?...that rimes with dorks hehehehe

Lurtz: ignoring the ignoramus more commonly known as peter New orc trainees follow me. I go this way points to the east starts walking west

Remus: Orcs…..I know I've heard of them some where before……tink tink tink (A/N: that is the sound of thinking……have you people not read…I forget what its called but its this really cool book I read in grade 4)

Sirius: You think you've heard of everything before.

James: Remus you think your so smart.

Peter: Yeah what they said.

Sirius: But your not you know.

James: You don't know everything.

Peter: I do!

Everyone (cept Peter): WHA!

Peter: Augustus Everything he's just a first year I met him on carnival day in the eating competition, he nearly beat me too, stupid fat boy.

Sirius: Look who's talking.

Peter: I can't exactly see myself you know I don't have a mirror, though if I had a nice greasy hamburger I might be able to see me in all the greasiness of the grease.

James: I'm sure if you just look down you'll be able to see all your fat boy.

Remus who had tuned out to this entire bit of conversation suddenly looks like he's figured out a way for world peace or something of the kind

Remus: I know…I've got it….I am a genius….Aren't I everyone?

Snape: You could be a genius if only you invested in a brain, but of course you and your filthy little "things" here would never qualify for one.

Malfoy: Yeah. Besides I'm the best person around here so if anyone is the be called a genius its me. I get to have all the good adjectives because I'm so good and handsome and stuff.

Snape glares at Malfoy in the jealous we-are-friends-so-I-have-to-be-kool-too type way

Malfoy: as though he's come to some really big really important realisation OH YEAH!...wait hang on…tink tink tink…….I got it…..Snape my good friend buddy ol' pal over here also gets good adjectives too…..but only the ones I don't want and I get all the really good ones.

Snape: sigh Oh well its better than nothing. You know what Malfoy, I think its time we left these losers to stand around and be losers.

Malfoy: Why not? But more importantly what could we do in this…place?

Snape: I was thinking wand swinging adventure my boy. Explore this place, become all famous and stuff. You know become even better than we are.

Malfoy: Is it even possible for me to become any better than I already am. I mean after all I am the picture of perfection, the best of well…everyone.

Sirius: Can't be THAT hard to get better than crap, even if it is you and snake boy.

Snape: Why thank you, snakes are my personal favourite…

Malfoy: I thought I was your personal favourite, no fair. Do snakes get more time in bed than me?

Snape: My favourite animal FOOL. I would never sleep with a snake. Well only my pocket snake wink

James: HA! I always new there was something queer going on over in your dorm rooms.

Snape: Now look what you did Malfoy. You idiot!

Malfoy: HEY! I only get good adjectives. We have been through that. Anyway I was only ummm…joking when I said that…hello a stud like me would only ever sleep with hot chicks.

Sirius: Yeah too bad there are none in Slytherin. Mind you Snape does look very famine today. Not hot but defiantly feminine.

Snape: Malfoy let's get outta here. Can't stand this trash for a moment longer. Let's follow the immense eerie looking object over there.

Snape points at Lurtz who has been standing in a corner of out in the open waiting for someone to follow him

So Snape and Malfoy plod off to meet their most probable inevitable doom while the Marauders try to think of something constructive to do.

What will happen next time?

How will Snape and Malfoy die?

Will Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pip suddenly jump out of the bushes?

Or will someone more to the fan girls liking jump out, such as Aaragon or Legolas?

Author Note: So this is the end of the second chapter of a fanfic I started writing almost 3 years ago. This is still my first fanfic and I still haven't written any others…MEH!


End file.
